This has been a Tuesday that felt like a Monday. It reminds me a little of when I was at school, and I felt like every single day was the same, and that it was only that way for me. I love how dramatic and self-absorbed teenage years are, but I feel sorry for the girl who felt that way; like she was just waiting for 'life' to start.
Because of her, I still live as much in my head as in this world. As least partly because of her, I am so moved by books, and films, and music; for a long time (in the scheme of things, not really that long) they were the only way she felt she could experience anything.
I wonder if she still exists. Maybe she's there when I feel self-conscious, or unsure of myself. I wonder if I would even recognise her. I was - maybe still am - a bit hard on my former selves; they had so many faults and cringe-worthy characteristics... but I wonder if one day some of those things will seem okay, like the nerdiness that used to make me feel so wrong and which I tried so hard to suppress, which now seems just a part of who I am, and only matters as much as I let it.
Anyway, I was listening to Coming From Reality this morning, and when I listened to this song, I felt the impulse to sing it to someone, which is something I used to imagine a lot from when I was a teenager in my ivory tower. Except that this time, the someone wasn't someone I know; it was anyone, just so they could hear Rodriguez, and I could be part of it.