I wasn't sure what to write about tonight as my default thoughts are CHRISTMAS!!! and I don't want to wear that topic out for you (for me that would be nigh impossible), and Vincent suggested I say it with flowers. So I will. These are from Saipua, a lovely blog I follow by a very talented floral artist with one of the sweetest dogs on the internet.
Sometimes I forget I like flowers. Then my Dad will make me go out into the garden with him to see his roses, and he'll look so pleased and they'll smell so delicious and look so remarkable, these delicate things on long green stilts, and he'll send some home with me, and they'll make my natureless little apartment look transformed, and I'll still enjoy them as they wilt and brown... and realise I like flowers very, very much. In fact, I am going to ask my Dad to bring me some cuttings when he comes to visit me at my new house (if he comes to visit; we've lived here going on three years and in spite of dropping me off and picking me up numerous times, he is yet to cross the threshold), and I am going to plant them, and tend to them, and become a sort of gardener, even though I really have no interest in gardening. Maybe that makes it more of a utilitarian pursuit; like someone growing veges solely to eat, not for the pleasure of gardening. Although I'm not sure flowers are very utilitarian... I know Mao didn't think so.
I hope owning some land changes me. I used to think it was wrong for people to have individual ownership of land; maybe I still do. I'll have to think about it. In any case, I hope I become more personally connected with the land, and that my love for it becomes less of a feeling, or something theoretical, and more practical; like I water you, and you flourish. I think, after killing many pot-plants including the beautiful little bonsai my sister gave me one Christmas, I may be ready to let live.