Saturday, July 7, 2012

Brown Like The Bark

I hate not having much to say here, but the truth is, I've been struggling a bit the last two weeks. I don't work 9-5 hours, but the hours I do work are socially demanding, and I need a good dose of alone time (being with Vincent counts as alone, occasionally even for nose-picking if it's dark or we're watching something) to get myself together again. In the past I've been hard on myself for feeling this way, but since realising that doesn't change a thing, plus I'm me and this is how I come, I've tried harder to leave my free time free so I can [get ready for sickening term] regroup. I've accepted that I need more sleep and more empty time to be me, and if I don't get it, I start to feel strange; a bit mad, a bit grumpy, a bit like I want to cry, and a bit frustrated. My work requires me to be personable and accommodating at all times, so when things get a bit much, the first place I feel it is at home; sometimes when I'm at work I don't even know I'm on the edge. Right now, I'm on the edge, and I need to get off it because we go to Samoa in six days. Six days!

Whoa, that really wasn't meant to be that long. It was meant to be an intro to this, the speech of a Mt Roskill Grammar student that John Campbell had on his show last night, called Brown Brother. It made me think about the experiences of the kids of immigrants, and how the schools we go to, and where we grow up makes our experiences seem different, when they're not really; something it's taken me a while to learn. Going to a primary school where I was the only Polynesian kid in my class was hard, but it did mean I got used to being different early, and had to figure out how I fit. For kids who get to go to school with other kids like them, this comes later; and although I had always thought that meant things were easier for them, I realise now that it just defers everything, and to a time of life when figuring that out might be even more difficult. I'll think about it some more, but in the meantime, watch the video(es - I like this one done for Campbell Live best). I think it's awesome, and I hope it starts discussion, even if it's just one person in their own head. Happy weekend, my feleni.


  1. YAY SAMOA FOR 6 DAYS, that is terrific!! Also, what is your star sign? Here on Waiheke I get TOO MUCH alone time, to the point where I think I could die of boredom (a pitiful way to die according to Vincent Van Gough). But I can definately relate; diaries and slothing by a window of some sort for hours like some kind of lizard is what I call down-time!

    1. Teehee, I can relate to the too much alone time feeling (try the shop between four pm and close)! Wikipedia says I am an ambivert. My sign is Leo; we're supposed to be attention-seekers (guilty) but I think lions like being alone, to think, and rest, and sing songs (with hyenas, so not really alone).