Thursday, December 8, 2011

Tick, Tick, Tick...

I'm almost at the point where I can't watch the news or I'll start breaking things. Even superficially harmless stories are annoying; for example, the amazing four-story fall without permanent injury of the mermaid. She said God was watching her. Does that mean that God wasn't watching everyone who has fallen and not survived? Is that when it becomes "God's plan"? Bullshit. Hearing how much investment rose after the government confirmed bail-outs? Total bullshit. And reading here that the richest 10% in NZ earns ten times what the poorest 10% gets? (Read more on the OECD website here.) I'm just about ready to get medieval on some asses.

I found out today that four of us at work are in sync (I mean our moons, not dance moves). Usually I like this kind of thing; it makes me feel at one with the moon and the earth, and like my uterus has friends, but today it made me feel a bit bad. A woman came in and bought some things, and managed to say thank you in so deadpan a fashion, I thought she may go out and kill herself, and said so. My work-friend, one of the afflicted (feminists, I'm joking!), said "yeah, she looked really unhappy". That is the difference between a bitch, and a not-bitch. It's not so bad being a bitch when you are alone and secretly think you're quite hilarious and that everyone deserves what you dish out. But around other people in a similar situation, who manage to take it on the chin and still be nice? Not so good.

Anyway, in news more flattering to myself, this afternoon I skipped a party I was supposed to go to and finished making my Christmas cards; and to flatter myself some more, I think they look rather nice. I'd like to take a photo so you can see but I've been comparing myself to a whale, beached on the couch, all afternoon, and I'm afraid it will reflect badly on other whales if I, all of a sudden, just get up and move. So you will have to wait.

It's really very strange being grinchy. I'm wondering if it's responsible for my rapid progress with our Christmas shopping; I'm too grumpy to be distracted from my mission. Usually if my friends were going to a December party at a bar I liked with free drinks I'd be there with sleigh-bells on, yet here I am, two minutes away, sober. I'm even listening to Christmas songs and not singing along.

I think the only solution is to get very drunk tomorrow night, and get in a fist-fight. Or at least call someone a cheap lousy faggot.

Happy Christmas your arse.


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