Tuesday, December 13, 2011

One Year In Mobile

A whole year. Admittedly, I was too shy to let anyone read it at first, so for a little while it was just me in Mobile. Although, really, it is always just me in Mobile. Try as I might to describe the mess in my head, and in spite of the happy times when we all say potato/tomato/oyster/pajamas/vanilla, when it comes down to it, it's just me in here. Which is one reason why this is so important to me; even when I'm completely pre-menstrual/hungover/overtired/just my usual amount of super-sized crazy, I don't feel quite so alone in my insanity when I can write it down and have it look something like sense and know someone read it and maybe knew what I meant by it. I hope I'm a bit better in my head than I was a year ago. I'm afraid that's not the case. (All together: Self-Improvement Is A Life-Long Commitment. I don't take those lightly. Ask anyone who knew me before and after I said I Do.)

The last few days I've been thinking, and talking with my sisters, really seriously about actually doing something about the current situation here. I seem to give myself pep-talks all the time and then get comfortable in my soft life, and all I ever have are intentions and dreams which become less and less viable as I age and try to trick Vincent into impregnating me. I've realised I can't do it by myself (the doing the stuff, not the making the baby) - not the first bit, anyway - and maybe you can't, either. One of my sisters wrote me a message in the weekend about doing what we can, and told me that the Dalai Lama said recently that times are dire and that the youth must act. She, and he (it would be a missed opportunity if I didn't show off and say I heard him speak at Eden Park in 2003; brother and I go back), are so right, and I know it, but I need to hear it. My middle sister and I talked about our plans at the pub on Sunday, and yesterday she sent me a text saying this is putting my money where my mouth is, and she's right, and I needed to hear that too. I honestly feel (and sometimes like to believe) that I'm a bit of a science experiment with my thoughts and moods and (extremely violent) feelings about things, but it strikes me that the need to be pushed a bit might be universal, or at least shared by we happy few, who care about people and fairness but have maybe been protecting ourselves, or getting strong in hiding, or biding our time. I've been doing a combination of these things, and a bit of just enjoying the luxury of having a good life, but it's not the time to be doing that. No-one begrudges someone a honeymoon, but I've had mine, and in the most important ways, the rest of my life will be a honeymoon. The front-lines have been in battle and they're losing; they need the next tier to put down our flags and pom-poms, and pick up some nunchucks.

I do have a point, and it's not my usual This Is What We Could Do, If Only. It's Let Us Do It, Together Everyone (originally Let's Do It, Together, but I needed to make an acronym and thought LUDITE would be memorable, except that luddite has two d's). We're busy, and all over the place (three countries, anyway), and we all make a difference by living the way we do, believing in what we believe in, but we can all make more of a difference if we unite and get a bit more Death Proof on it, and even though The Bride was heaps cooler, she had to be shot in the head to do what she did, whereas the Death Proof crew had a little bit of bad stuff and then got to take turns beating Kurt Russell to a pulp... I even lost myself there, but what I'm trying to say is Let's Talk About It, and Let's Support Each Other. Sometimes my sister and I won't talk about these plans at the pub because we're tired or feel like laughing, so we have to put aside other time to do it. Lord, now I sound like a preacher... And I say to thee, if thou call on thy friends... when all I want to say is, I'll push you if you push me. Let me be the Tenzing to your Hillary (provided the mountain is injustice and greed; if not, I will be the Susan and Sharon to your Vicky). You can leave a comment, or email me, and we can make plans and check on each other - kind of like after I saw Sing Your Song, but actually. Also, I need a bit of reigning in so I don't go all vigilante on things; I'm tryin' real hard to be the shepherd.

I had intended for this to be one of those retrospective posts with lists and Remember Whens but my St Crispin's Day redux has tired me. Above is my favourite version of the song from which this blog borrowed its name. The first time I heard it, I felt excited and I didn't know why; I still don't really get what Bobby D meant by the lyrics, although I know what some of them mean to me:

 'but deep inside my heart I know I can't escape'

 'everybody still talks about how badly they were shocked - but me, I expected it to happen' 

'the preacher looked so baffled...'

' "you see, you're just like me"'

'an' here I sit so patiently, waiting to find out what price
you have to pay to get out of
going through all these things twice.'

To end, a list and then one more song. The song is brilliant and relates to today's ramble, and I especially love the video because I think John looks like Vincent, and Yoko is knitting, and I like pretending we're like John and Yoko (although I can't knit); among other things, we've both always had it in us (and had interesting and successful solo careers) but I like to think our best work is what we do together; at least, I know that's the case for me. And the list.

Five songs to listen to when you feel like the world is just a burrito with a child's shoe in it:
1. Everybody Want To Rule The World - Tears For Fears
2. Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Sarah Vaughan
3. Bring It On Home To Me - Sam Cooke
4. Baba O'Riley - The Who
5. Whole Wide World - Wreckless Eric

Thanks for being part of my blog, you guys. Now let's go get karma, before it gets us!

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