Saturday, December 3, 2011

December Grumps

It is the third of December and I don't have a tree. I haven't had a whisky ball, or a candy cane, and the only person I have told to have a good Christmas (I don't think I'll see him again before then) looked at me like I was mad (although, admittedly, he often does; we were working together when I was planning my nuptials and I had to tell him to explain why I was forty minutes late one morning... since then he seems to expect me to grow a third eye in front of him). I feel robbed and I blame EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. All of our noisy neighbours who make it necessary for us to wear earplugs to bed which fall out during the night so I wake up and hear the voices and the music and have trouble getting back to sleep because my ears feel itchy and I am straining through the earplugs to hear if anything comes through (they are 32 db strength; sometimes our neighbours are more). This morning we found out the morons playing shitty dance music (which alone deserved some kind of punishment) and screeching around their apartment with all of their lights on so we could see them cutting up pills and smoking, have been evicted, and I am HAPPY. No Christmas compassion here; I'm saving it for mute people, and people who go to sleep at ten every night. This is not how Christmas is supposed to be. I'm not supposed to have my grizzly patch until around the fifteenth. THIS HAS TO END. I hate people who have to fake Christmas cheer because they don't realise it's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year, but I am going to have to join their ranks. This is MY TIME. I am not missing another minute of it. (So saying, she made a list of all of her Christmas Countdown traditions, hoping they would help her to feel better.)

Christmas Activities:
- Visit the Wishing Tree and call Santa (re his no-show last year, and what we're going to do about it)
- Bake Shortbread
- Carols By Candlelight

and a new tradition suggesting by Vincent(!!!):
- Get Really Drunk, like Roaring Drunk, just the two of us

Christmas Movies:
- It's A Wonderful Life (need to buy more tissues and drink several litres of water before this. Also maybe put some tea-bags in the freezer)
- Meet Me In St Louis
- Little Women
- Home Alone
- While You Were Sleeping

- Arthur Christmas (to which The Jenga Queen had invited Vincent the day we found our car was gone)
- The Little Match Girl (the one with Rudy Huxtable in it, which I saw when I was about four and have never forgotten)

Christmas Reading:
- A Christmas Carol
- Little Women
- Luke's Account of the Nativity

I'm sure I'm forgetting some, but I can't find my notebook that has my complete list in it. But this is a good start. Today we will buy our tree, and decorate our house, and tomorrow I will sleep in and wake up happy.

Happy weekend, every one.


  1. Watch this quick, before you get in a good mood again it's more than you could ever imagine - they've taken our song and made an ad out of it! I can't work out if the ad is for Christmas strippers/emergent pedophilia/Macys or Nintendo. But Ravi loves it

    why is always Christmas when Mariah's around?

  2. Dear lord, is nothing sacred?! Please wean Ravi from it and show her the original! Oh, Mariah. Someone should write to Nick and ask him to tell her she's pretty; if that "dress" gets any shorter...