Tuesday, May 3, 2011

You Am I



I've been listening to this song a lot today and enjoying the sad feeling it gives me. I listened to it while I was dusting our dirty house ready for our inspection tomorrow (which I later discovered is next Wednesday and immediately threw down the rag and spray and rushed for the couch).

I was thinking today it's been a long time since I cried over something that was happening to me; not a movie or the news or a sad story, but something that was hurting me alone. I cry fairly easily - not as easily as my heart-on-sleeve sister - but easily, and never - alright, hardly ever - over nothing, but since Vincent and I have lived together I don't seem to have had much occasion to cry; there are tons of things to be sad about but they don't ever seem to be about me personally. Since I was quite young I've always done things like imagine weddings or funerals to generate feelings on purpose, and I've always thrown myself into how books or movies or songs make me feel... It feels like getting the most out of life. But today, getting sad on purpose, also made me feel like it's important to remember how things feel. I don't know if I'll ever again feel like the person Morrissey is in this song, and while I can imagine it, I want to be able to feel it...

This is starting to confuse even me; I didn't get much sleep last night after drinking a strong coffee late in the day. But I do think maybe if we practise putting ourselves in each others' bodies - try to imagine walking a mile in each others' shoes like Atticus? Calpurnia? said - maybe we can be kinder to each other.

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