Tuesday, May 17, 2011


I look nice, and it's bumming me out because tomorrow I'm going to visit my family and am working with my friend who wears cool clothes and is a bit taller and a lot skinnier than me so she always looks stylish. Tarnation. There are a lot of things I've been wanting to discuss in depth, but I have given myself a week to finish my book, and a week is on Thursday and I am only halfway, so I have to step on it. I made a New Year's resolution to read at least fifty books I haven't/hadn't read before, and that is going very, very badly; the only way it will happen is if I make it fifty picture books, or learn to read like Superman (I just had a flash of Dean Cain reading in Lois & Clark - what happy times they were). At least I am consistent; I haven't written to my sponsored child once a month (or, actually, at all) or implemented a regular exercise regime (how I thought wording it like that would help, I don't know). I didn't even finish writing my whole list.

Lately Vincent and I have been watching a lot (as in four+ episodes a night) of 30 Rock; so much that when we were forced to miss a few nights, I missed the characters like they were my friends (incidentally, the reason we couldn't watch was because we were away with my friends; I asked Vincent if we could sneak off and watch an episode while they were all in another room but we decided it was a dangerous road to go down). Instead, I likened everything I said or did to things the characters might have, and it made me feel closer to them; like they're a part of me. (Most of the time I said Liz things with a Kenneth delivery.)

The following week at work I thought about TV friends, and made a list -

Why TV friends are better than real friends:
1. You only ever see them when they're being entertaining.
2. You can yell at them and no harm is done.
3. They don't need you.
4. You can hang out with them while you're in bed, naked, pouring too much cream on your second helping of chocolate pudding (which you didn't have to share with them), quietly farting under the sheets and intermittently licking your husband's face.
5. They are frequently funny, and they don't know when you quote them.

I'll leave you with this. Take away Vincent and a bit of shame, and I think I could be Liz Lemon. Living on donuts, being mean to everybody, filling slankets with farts, and...

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