Thursday, March 31, 2011

Don't Wish It Away...


This week has been a trial. Pre-menstrual stress has never been a joke to me but by god; homicidal impulses I can handle - I always have a hit-list - but the odd PMS when you hate yourself and obsess over things you know will make you feel bad is, frankly, as bad as not being pregnant gets. I kept thinking how much I wished it was the weekend and I could sleep and not be nice to people and eat sugary food in bed. Then we were watching Sopranos last night and something clicked, and it struck me that every day, even a bad day, is a day I won't ever get back... Okay, more specifically, every day with Vincent is a day I won't get back. I started thinking about something happening to him, and how I would give anything for a day with him, even a day like yesterday when I was miserable and didn't even get to see that much of him.

I don't want to preach to anyone except myself. I'm very good at living in the present (don't believe me, check my savings account) but sometimes it's not enough to just be in it, especially when it's happy anyway. I don't think it's ideal to embrace a bad day because there may be worse ones to come; I hope I can start to appreciate a bad day because it's a day and I'm living it. Maybe in that way, the heightened emotions of PMS are even more life-affirming; there's no escaping or controlling how I feel...

Anyway, between you and me, I can honestly say that things can only get better.

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